Feeling Stupid

By Mickey Friedman
September 9, 2011

GREAT BARRINGTON, MA — I don’t like feeling stupid. Of course, there have been times when I’ve been really stupid. Like all those times I didn’t do my homework, and sat there the next day relying on the odds I wouldn’t be called on.

Which often backfired and resulted in my shrugging or stammering or sadly admitting that I didn’t have the foggiest idea what my teacher was talking about.

Well I’ve been feeling stupid all over again.

This summer I expanded my bench sitting. Moving from the bench in front of Fuel down the street to the bench in front of Tune Street, or across the street to the bench in front of the Gypsy Joynt Café. Both benches offer new vistas, a new look on life.

What they also illuminate is the never-ending adventure we call “Crossing The Street” in Great Barrington, Massachusetts. It’s a poor man’s paint ball or computer-less “Call of Duty.” It costs nothing to play but if you play it poorly you can die or end up in the hospital. Usually I’m a spectator but sometimes I too have to play.

The other day I almost lost. I was on my back from my wonderful bank, the Pittsfield Co-op, to the Fuel Coffee Shop. I waited and carefully stepped out in the street. The SUV headed north in the lane closest to the sidewalk came to a respectful stop and I slowly began my journey. I was almost past the SUV, about to continue on. I took another step to the promised land when I looked up to see a car barreling towards me at about 50 m.p.h.

The driver either didn’t see me, or really needed to get to Pittsfield, or most likely really wanted to continue talking to her boyfriend. There was no way she was going to stop.  Luckily I was able to step backward before the SUV accelerated onward. After she passed me, the lady decided to hit her brakes maybe to show she was sorry or maybe because her boyfriend hung up on her. But she stopped about 20 feet north of the crosswalk.

All of which got me thinking about the “Crossing The Street” game. It’s not a fair fight. All we pedestrians have is the odds that we won’t get hit. Maybe someone before us or after us will. Maybe we’ll only be injured. We’ve got the odds plus that odd little black man in the yellow square sitting atop the upside down white triangle. You know the plastic guy who pretends to be a miniature traffic guard and stands in the middle of the street without saying a word.

 

Because I didn’t do my homework, I’m not the guy to look for a big solution here. But having watched the “Crossing The Street” game I have a few small suggestions.

First, I don’t think we should wait for the Main Street Redevelopment Project. People need to cross the street before the federal/state dollars start to flow. I remember when we had an actual crossing guard, a woman who would walk across the street with kids and even adults. Obviously plastic crossing guards cost less. But can’t we hire a bigger plastic guy? One who can be seen by the cars and trucks in both lanes at all times? Maybe some volunteer engineers and builders can figure out how to make him taller and more fluorescent while guaranteeing he won’t fall over in the wind.

Maybe replace the banner that advertised our anniversary with a banner that tells drivers to stop for pedestrians.

Then find an electronics wiz with a wireless transmitter and receiver. Maybe he or she can reconfigure our traffic light so people can actually cross Main Street from Subway to The Vault before the light tells them halfway that they shouldn’t be crossing the street anymore. There should be a contest to see whether any town official can walk across the street in the time you’re told you can walk. Have you looked in the eyes of tourists as they’ve tried to cross that street and “Walk” jumps to “Don’t Walk?” It’s scary. You don’t want to go there. I’m suggesting a better life, one light at a time.

Now try playing the “Crossing The Street” game on Opera Saturday. You’ve got some slightly infirm, very elderly opera goers daydreaming about Mozart versus a heavy metal army of impatient and cranky cars and trucks coming in 12 different permutations from four different directions. I defy anyone to watch this dance for half an hour without wincing and cringing, even calling out a warning.

Why do I feel stupid? Because I watch all this and think it can be fixed. Just like I’ve watched it for a while. Thinking it can be fixed.

So I thought I’d share this now. In case I’m not so lucky the next time I cross the street.

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“Feeling Stupid” first appeared in the Thursday, September 8, 2011 issue of The Berkshire Record.