By Mickey Friedman
June 24, 2019
My invitation to see the Queen must have gotten lost in the mail. Believe me, I’ve been
checking. Somehow it made it to the White House.
Capitol One sends me an invitation every few days. But the Royal Family, nothing, nada, zip.
It’s probably for the best because I know from nothing when it comes to formal dinners and anything more than your basic knife and fork. I am, after all, a Bronx-born American. I mean we’re the folks who invented TV dinners so we could eat off our laps and not miss a moment of “Car 54, Where Are You?”
But even with my likely faux pas, I would have made a more appreciative and polite guest than our President in England’s green and glorious land. I, at least, have read William Blake.
We’re used to his bullying and brutishness. But it’s manifestly unfair to inflict The Donald on reasonably polite people in other lands.
We know he hates Muslims. If it were up to him they’d be gone along with the Mexicans. Except for those he needs to iron his underwear.
So, of course, Donald Trump insulted Sadiq Khan, the Muslim Mayor of London, just before he landed. Because Mr. Khan said what many Britons believe: “From rolling back women’s reproductive rights to defending far-right nationalists – President Trump’s behavior flies in the face of ideals America was founded upon … The USA and UK have been best mates for decades. When your best mate does something wrong, you have to call them out on it.”
For Trump, the only thing worse than a Muslim is an uppity Muslim. So, he had to fight back, answering a critique of his policies with a low blow.
He tweeted: “@SadiqKhan, who by all accounts has done a terrible job as Mayor of London, has been foolishly ‘nasty’ to the visiting President of the United States, by far the most important ally of the United Kingdom. He is a stone cold loser who should focus on crime in London, not me … Kahn reminds me very much of our very dumb and incompetent Mayor of NYC, de Blasio, who has also done a terrible job – only half his height …”
The many thousands of Britons who came out to protest were magically transformed into supporters: “I kept hearing that there would be ‘massive’ rallies against me in the UK, but it was quite the opposite. The big crowds, which the Corrupt Media hates to show, were those that gathered in support of the USA and me. They were big & enthusiastic as opposed to the organized flops!”
He managed a reasonable toast before the Queen and a couple hundred of her closest dinner friends, though to me he looked like a stuffed and frightened bear. But I suspect he was at his most embarrassing behind closed doors when Prince Charles tried to educate him about the climate crisis. Asked whether “you were able to give Prince Charles any comfort that you as the United States President take him seriously” on climate change, Trump revealed he still doesn’t understand the issue: “I believe that there is a change in weather and that it changes both ways. Don’t forget, it used to be called global warming, that wasn’t working, then it was called climate change, now it’s actually called extreme weather … the United States right now has among the cleanest climates there are, based on all statistics, and it’s even getting better …” I’m guessing Prince Charles couldn’t wait to take a nap.
Then he made a mockery of service and international solidarity. Discussing with Piers Morgan his avoidance of the Vietnam draft: “Well I was never a fan of that war I’ll be honest with you. I thought it was a terrible war, I thought it was very far away, nobody ever … you know you’re talking about Vietnam and at that time, nobody had ever heard of the country.” Except every single American male who faced the draft without a wealthy dad who bought him a podiatrist and a phony disability.
Onto Normandy, France and the solemn 75th anniversary of the heroic allied invasion. Where sitting before the graves of the fallen, he trashed Robert Mueller, a Marine hero, who, unlike our President, found Vietnam and earned a Bronze Star and a Purple Heart in combat: “They thought their good friend Bobby Mueller was going to give them a great report and he came out with a report with 13 horrible, angry Democrats who are totally biased against me … he made such a fool out of himself the last time she – because what people don’t report is the letter he had to do to straighten out his testimony because his testimony was wrong.” Confusing Bob Mueller with former FBI Director James Comey.
Sorry, England. Sorry, France. We shouldn’t let him leave home.
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“Sorry, England. Sorry, France” was first published in the June 13, 2019 issue of The Berkshire Record.