By Mickey Friedman
July 4, 2018
Clearly, the President is suspicious about what they’re doing up there. Something’s a bit off. How else do they have the best hockey players? Not to mention that quirky national anthem our NBA players have to stand for. And come to think of it, why isn’t English enough for them?
Fact is, the President knows damn well there’s something fishy going on with those USA-Canada trade deals those other presidents made. Especially that Obama President who wasn’t even born here. Canada taking advantage of us.
Which is why the President called out that Trudeau fellow from up north. Convinced they were doing sneaky things with cheese and milk and steel.
It seems we make and sell things to the Canadians and the Canadians make things and sell them to us. Then you have to count all the stuff and how much it costs. Turns out we buy automobiles, fuel, machinery and plastics and 90% of their Canadian steel. But we sell them billions of dollars of agricultural products like prepared food, fresh vegetables, fresh fruit, snack foods and juices. Not to mention we export billions in what the experts call “services.” $58.7 billion in 2017, on stuff like travel, intellectual property (computer software, audio visual), and professional and management services.
The Canadians say they buy more stuff from America than we buy stuff from them. And the Office of the U.S. Trade Representative (USTR) did all the calculating and came up with numbers showing the U.S. had a trade surplus with Canada of $12.5 billion in 2016. Which is confusing because they’re actually a part of the Executive Office of the President.
But lucky for us, the President’s got some nifty alternative facts. And it’s hard to argue with him because didn’t he and that terrific, smart Kim Jung Un, the dictator whose North Korean people love him so much that unless they’re in all those prison camps just love to parade around telling him ten times a day that they love him, didn’t the two of them bring us world peace. You didn’t see any Canadians doing that, did you?
So how about we give the President the benefit of the doubt on this one and say the trade surplus is really a deficit and agree the Canadians are cheating us by buying less from us than they sell us.
Which is why the President is going to make sure he adds on a tariff (extra fees) so that whatever we buy from Canada costs us more money. Which some spoilsports say will punish us. But the President figures it will punish them more. Like the President explained, these tariffs are in our national interest and for our national security.
Because if all those American companies and you and me and all the American customers now have to pay more for anything that’s made of Canadian steel or with aluminum like beer cans, maybe someday we will build more steel factories. Or maybe not, but nobody said Making America Great Again would be easy … Or maybe somebody said it would be easy but …
Now rather than take it like men and just suck up the extra fees, for some Canadian reason the Canadians were offended. And decided to add tariffs on our stuff. The Trudeau fellow put it this way: “I highlighted directly to the president that Canadians did not take it lightly that the United States has moved forward with significant tariffs on our steel and aluminum industry, particularly did not take lightly the fact that it’s based on a national security reason that for Canadians, who either themselves or whose parents or community members have stood shoulder-to-shoulder with American soldiers in far off lands and conflicts from the First World War onwards, that it’s kind of insulting.”
I guess he thinks just because Canadians fight and die in Afghanistan and Iraq and everywhere else Americans fight and die they’re somehow our allies and contributing to our national security.
The President knows better: “Based on Justin’s false statements at his news conference, and the fact that Canada is charging massive Tariffs to our U.S. farmers, workers and companies, I have instructed our U.S. Reps not to endorse the G7 Communique as we look at Tariffs on automobiles flooding the U.S. Market!”
Even more annoyed when the Trudeau fellow announced: “I will always protect Canadian workers and Canadian interests … Canadians, we’re polite, we’re reasonable, but we also will not be pushed around.”
Which ticked off the President big time: “PM Justin Trudeau of Canada acted so meek and mild during our G7 meetings only to give a news conference after I left saying that, ‘US Tariffs were kind of insulting’ and he ‘will not be pushed around.’ Very dishonest & weak. Our Tariffs are in response to his of 270% on dairy!”
Screw the meek and mild. Say no to Canadian Bacon!