When it comes to statues, W.E.B. DuBois could use some company. If you’ve actually read him, you know his lifelong concern with racism, social and economic oppression, his genius, often made him impatient, not the most mellow of men.
How about Alexandro Rizlette de Cramptone Lacroix, the founder of Pay-Pay, the first producer of rolling papers? A man increasingly relevant to today’s Great Barrington.
Yes, Lacroix was born in Spain, but his cunning combination of pulp, hemp, rice, and flax may well be the accessory most responsible for the exploding accessibility of marijuana. And our exciting designation as the Best Baked Town in America. Hastag blitzed.
Perhaps there was a time many decades ago when I could roll a mean joint. But one day after smoking weed possibly laced with PCP, the walls of my small bedroom started closing in on me. Lesson learned. No more Maryjane for moi.
Just the other day I read that Great Barrington was going to get its fourth potshop within our meager borders. One near two toystores, one off Railroad Street, and another in the Flying Church all joining Theory Wellness on Route 7. Such a small town with such great opportunities to get stoned. No wonder we’ve received such high baked praise from “High, Higher, Even Higher Tymes.”
Such notoriety requires us to revisit our 2013 Master Plan. I’ve made suggestions in bold but I’m sure the Selectboard would appreciate your input: “Our town is a successful and vibrant community, one whose fundamental asset is natural beauty. People are attracted to live and visit by the open space and wonderful scenery. And if you thought it was pretty before, stop by any one of our four potshops, toke up, and the Berkshire Hills will come alive with the sound of music.”
The Master Plan highlights: “The town’s historic character, arts and cultural amenities, and close-knit community feeling are the envy of the region … Maintaining our unique rural-urban configuration and traditional-modern eclectic will preserve our appeal as a model small town for a long time to come. Visit our potshops, smoke enough, and maybe you’ll even understand what ‘traditional-modern eclectic’ actually means.”
With great honor comes great responsibility. As a model small town citizen, I’m determined to learn the new hip, potlingo. To better communicate with those many, many visitors who’ll soon be bussing in from less fortunate pot-starved communities. To wander our streets, anxious to spend their tourist dollars getting baked. Then searching for mallowmars.
So much has changed in the world of marijuana. There are expressions we’ll be hearing for the first time. Like “blasting, blazing, burning one down, chasing, cheeching, going loco, hitting the hay, mowing the grass, smoking trees, and torching up.”
Used to be you’d have your own dealer or if not, you prayed whoever was selling, was selling pot not oregano. There was either trust or some significant paranoia. Since they took potshop zoning away from the Planning Board, I assume the Selectboard will be providing worker-retraining for our soon to be out-of-work potdealers. And some short-term crash therapy for potshoppers who’ll need persuading that they’re now allowed, no, actually encouraged to walk freely into our potshops, score, pay with Apple Watches, then holding, walk out without fear and, wait for it, without get busted.
With an estimated $9 billion in sales in 2017, the pot industry paid something close to $1.4 billion in state taxes last year. Maybe if you and our pottourists smoke enough, the Town can afford its $56 million renovated high school.
No journalistic slouch, I found on the interweb a San Francisco pot-shop that received many stars. They brag their Blueberry Pie – GSO Farms strain “is the indica-dominant hybrid of two famous strains, Girl Scout Cookies and Blue Dream. Each strain in this potent cross has its own claim to fame, but when combined their unique attributes coalesce to form a strain greater than the sum of its parts. The blueberry flavor and mental haze of Blue Dream contributes to the stilted cerebral buzz, which is then anchored through the Kush-heavy effects of Girl Scout Cookies, amounting to a strain that shrugs off stress and mutes mild physical discomfort.” At the moment, if you’re anywhere near SF, it’s going for $18.43 an eighth.
Once upon a time I thought nothing about driving across the country but those days have vanished along with the Summer of Love. The only Blueberry Pie I’m going to get is from Taft Farms.
Here at home, Theory Wellness offers Kimbo Kush: “This powerful strain delivers deep relaxation, sleepiness, and couch-lock effects, making it a favorite for those looking to treat anxiety, muscle spasms, chronic pain, stress, and insomnia.”
I don’t know what couch-lock is, but I know something about stress and pain. You think maybe we need five pot-shops rather than a measly four?
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“The Best Baked Town in America” was published first on July 5, 2018 in The Berkshire Record.