Four More Years

August 15, 2012
By Mickey Friedman

I’m still shaken. Only my fellow Olympians understand what it’s like to train for four years and have your Olympic dreams shattered.

I realize most people probably don’t even know about the event I’ve dedicated myself to. Most people would rather watch Beach Volleyball.

But the Men’s 1-Meter All-Day Olympic TV Watching Event has a proud history. The Austrian Gerhardt Schmidtt-Schmidtt won the first competition during the Munich Olympics when he filled his one room apartment in Krems, Austria with seven black and white TVs. Schmidtt-Schmidtt managed to watch every Saturday event and could name every medalist. Sadly, Schmidtt-Schmidtt paid a price for his prowess, and has suffered from excruciating migraines ever since. He no longer owns a television.

Like every Olympic Sport, ours has been deeply influenced by better training methods, a new understanding of the importance of diet, and, of course, new technologies.

What the instant replay has done for tennis, the digital video recorder has done for the Men’s 1-Meter. Gone are the days of Gerhardt Schmidtt-Schmidtt’s seven black and whites. TiVo has revolutionized the sport.

Today so much depends upon your use of the remote control. Bing-bing-bing-bing to move past the commercials. Three bings instead of four and precious time is lost. Focus is everything.

By now, you’ve all seen the YouTube video of me losing my cool. It’s really the first time I’ve thrown my remote control against the wall. And I certainly want those younger Olympic hopefuls to know it’s something I’m not proud of. And I’ll certainly understand if my corporate sponsors at SONY want to renegotiate my contract. All I can say is I’m lucky Mom and Dad are dead because I know they’d be ashamed of me.

TiVo did her job. Twelve hours of the NBC Sports Network on one tuner and nine hours of MSNBC on the other. All I had to do was watch as quickly as I could and be ready for the NBC Prime Time Broadcast at 7 PM.

No excuses. I could have trained harder. When it comes to the Olympics, we all play hurt. Bob Costas kept asking about the sprained thumb that kept me out of the Winter Games. But I think my trainers and I had gotten past that. Sure my early bings could have been crisper. I could have zipped past the commercials with more authority. There’s just no forgiving me for that incredible lapse in judgment when I wasted thirty precious seconds watching the new Cadillac driving through the mountain tunnels of wherever it was. A stupid rookie mistake. Rule number one: No Commercials. Ever. There’s plenty of time for commercials in September.

I made up some time during Water Polo. Crisper bings. They must have packed the Water Polo coverage with commercials because I was bing-ing like crazy, four, five commercials at a time. I was in one of those zones where I had absolutely no idea what they were selling.

Now one of the problems with Men’s 1-Meter All-Day Olympic TV Watching is you don’t really know what your competition is up to. You might have noticed sprinter Usain Bolt stealing a glance to his right or swimmer Missy Franklin’s ever so slight tilt to the left. But in the 1-Meter it’s just you and your TV. Having trouble seeing the ping-pong ball? Tough luck. You move closer than the 1-Meter you’re allowed and that’s it.

And yes, we’re all working on the honor system. Bob Costas seemed shocked when Ezekial Abel of Kenya voluntarily withdrew because his village lost power but that’s the way we approach our sport. We know what Gerhardt Schmidtt-Schmidtt and the other giants of the game have done for us. We’re professionals and we care about the integrity of the game.

My friends at the Olympic Committee tell me I was in the running for the Bronze. Of course, there was no beating Michael FitzGibbon of Manchester this year. You can’t imagine what it means having the British home crowd behind you. It’s hard to dwell on your Carpal-Tunnel when you’ve got people outside your living room chanting your name. And the Ethiopians are always fast. You’d think their outdated technology would hold them back but they are fierce trainers. Up at four in the morning with their remotes in hand and sometimes working to midnight. Emmanuel Tiki would probably get Silver.

I made up some more time during Synchronized Swimming. Done with NBC Sports and on to MSNBC.

Then the mistake I have to live with. I fast-forwarded through the Equestrian Events. No way was I going to watch a Saudi Prince on a horse. All my training out the window. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Everything I had learned watching Roger Federer was gone. I let emotion get the better of me.

Bob Costas thinks I’m done. But don’t count me out. Watch for me in four more years.