April 7, 2012
By Mickey Friedman
God works in mysterious ways. How else explain the near-magical events that once again put me and Abigail Starkfield-Crump in the same place at the same time?
Turns out some folks in Lennoxx weren’t happy with my columns about their new PR campaign. It’s ironic because I count myself a big fan of Abigail Starkfield-Crump’s work, especially her major market campaign for kale: “Kale – The Green Green.”
Kale
So now my normal sources in Lennoxx aren’t willing to talk to me about Smidley, Crump & Crump’s innovative campaign: “Lennoxx: We’re More Than We Were; We’re More Than You Expect; And We’re More Than You Imagine.”
Merchants I used to count as my friends won’t talk to me. Arnie O’Herlihy and I go back years. Arnie and I spent hours together at “Ye Olde Lenox Tavern.” Truth is, he and I were both in love with Melody Harkness, french horn player by day, bartendress by night. And when Arnie opened “Crate and Bait,” even though I had no need for crates and hated to fish, I stopped in every afternoon to lend my support.
Imagine my surprise when Arnie called me at five forty-five on a Sunday morning to complain about my latest column. “You know, Mickey, you’ve done some low things in your life, like taking Melody Harkness to see Jackson Browne at Tanglewood. But your half-hearted support for ‘We’re More Than You Imagine’ is downright despicable.”
“Arnie, have you been drinking?”
“How come you’re always writing about Ralph Spitster and his ‘Gazelles & More Gazelles?’ Ralph give you a break on a couple of gazelles? What you know about retail could fill up a teaspoon. Sales at ‘Crate and Bait’ are down eighteen percent since last year. We need all the help we can get. If anyone needs to be ‘More Than We Were’ it’s us. But you’re that typical liberal media guy poking fun at us ordinary Joe’s.”
Bait
“Arnie, didn’t you go to Yale? And don’t you have dinner at the Lenox Club?”
“I have a mind to pull my advertising from the Berkshire Record.”
“Arnie, you don’t advertise in the Berkshire Record.”
“And next time you need bait I suggest you dig it yourself.” Then he hung up before I could remind him that I hate to fish.
Which is why I believe God likes opinionated small-town newspaper columnists. Because on her way back to her office on off-off-Madison Avenue, Abigail Starkfield-Crump got a flat tire on the Sheffield Flats. And while she had her VW Passat at Autobahn, Abigail Starkfield-Crump, with nothing to do but wait, stopped into the food court at the Big Y. Just when I was about to buy some everything bagels. I’m guessing God wanted us to spend some quality time together so I could give you an update on the new campaign.
Abigail cut straight to the chase: “Arnie O’Herlihy told us about Melody Harkness. But in the world of big city public relations, we appreciate the role of the press. We make what’s new and you press guys add an ‘s’ and have to report it. We do what we have to do and we do it well. Before us, kale was kale. After we got through with it, kale was Kale. And just between us, ‘Crate and Bait’ might have worked in Lenox, but it sure as hell won’t work in Lennoxx. Arnie would do better in Arkansas
“Good PR costs. You might think that adding a ‘n” and adding an ‘x’ to Lenox is cheap, but a lot of brain power went into this. Not to mention the cost of creating recoverlennoxx.com and our “Hear Me. Smell Me. Visualize Me” campaign. Bringing life to Lennoxx using not one of our senses, but three.
“Fact is, we need more money to let the rest of the world know where Lennoxx is. We’ve got to get ‘Lennoxx: We’re More Than We Were’ out there and flying. And that’s means Search Engine Marketing and Search Engine Optimization, your SEM and SEO. And if there’s one thing we know at Smidley, Crump & Crump is how to optimize your website for those search engines. We know Google-Ology. And you don’t know Google until you’ve learned Google-Ology.
“Which is why The Marketing Committee is asking taxpayers for ninety grand. Chicken feed for quality SEM and SEO. For key words. Words Google is looking for. Words like ‘relaxing,’ ‘stimulating,’ ‘spirit,’ and ‘refreshment.’ And thanks to Google-Ology we know 83% of web visitors prefer ‘more alive’ to ‘dead.’
“Put this crack research to work and you get: ‘In Lennoxx, you can experience life at its most relaxing and stimulating, resulting in a deep refreshment of the spirit and feelings of being ‘more alive.’
“If that’s not worth ninety grand, I don’t know what is,” Abigail concluded. And then she took a large bite of pizza. “Now tell me about Melody Harkness!”